Ever since my trip over seas to Palestine, I have been intoxicated with everything from there. I miss the people, the amazing, beautiful and strong people. I miss the smell of the fresh air in the beautiful mountains and the deep valleys. I miss the sounds of the busy streets and the quiet of the nights. The beauty is immeasurable to any other place on earth.

I never understood what it meant to be palestinian until I went for myself and felt the pride and beauty.

Self.

It makes me feel bad, but sometimes, if not most of the time, I feel so self concious about myself that it depresses me. It doesn’t matter about how many people on the street call me beautiful or pretty or whatever it doesn’t make me feel any different. I still look at models and want the long legs and the skinny stomach and the thought of working out and doing the work to get to it is do-able, but at the same time, it’s upsetting that my body type won’t ever be like that. Everyone tells me that my body is amazing, but every time I look at photos online, no matter who it is, it makes me want to change something about myself. I need to learn to get over it, it’s just more difficult than anyone can imagine. I really just need some good pep talks and some good times to roll around the corner… 

Late night thoughts :

Honestly, if I could change one thing about myself it would be my insecurity of trusting. I thought about it the other night and I found that I havn’t been able to trust many people in my life. Honestly, I haven’t been able to trust anyone other than my best friends… I wish I was never like this. It has ruined every single relationship that I have ever been in, and continues on in my current one. I don’t understand why I  have such a big issue… All I know is that I need to get over this immediately before it ruins this one too..